“This world wasn’t made for me and you, so I don’t want any part of it.”

Heartbreak will never get easier will it?

I’ve been used to rejection my whole life. From the rejections of the kids on the playground when I asked to play with them, to the rejections of my parents when I didn’t do good enough, to the rejections of every university I applied to, to the rejections of the people I loved. All this rejection and yet, it still never does get easier does it?

At some point, I stopped asking people to do things. That fear of rejection consumed my very being to the point where I can’t ask anyone for anything anymore. When I do somehow manage to work up the courage to ask, rejection is always the answer. If rejection follows me everywhere, at some point, it has to be me right?

At some point, I have to think to myself, that this world wasn’t made for me. That it doesn’t want me. My very being was made to be rejected by the very world I was born into. Isn’t that a curse worse than death?

No one taught me about life growing up. I was raised in the traditional Asian way and that involved a lot of teaching and abuse revolved around academics, not life. Maybe I’m still young, but I still feel like I know nothing compared to my peers. As if I am still a child compared to them. I never learned how to deal with rejection, I never learned the right words to say, and I never learned about relationships.

Instead I was cursed with the ailments of undiagnosed mental illnesses that my parents don’t believe in and made to live a life where I have to traverse through all my problems alone. All I ever wanted was someone I could rely on, a person who I could talk to when I had a problem and ask for advice, just someone who would traverse this wretched life with me.

But every time I asked, I was met with rejection and abandonment. No one will ever want a defect like me. I’ll remain unlovable until this cursed world perishes.

So don’t blame me for wanting to throw my phone into the sea like Sakuta and running away from it all. It’s all I want to do. Run away from everything and disappear into the beautiful ocean sea.

This world wasn’t made for me and you, so I don’t want any part of it.