Does everything happen for a reason?

This question is plaguing my mind right now at 3 in the morning. I look back upon everything and can only think to myself: that was a really fun time… why couldn’t it have lasted forever?

Of course I know the answer to that question. I could choose to put the blame all on everybody else or put the blame all on myself, but to be realistic and cliche, it was probably a mix of both.

I probably wanted the moment to last forever, always so focused on the future instead of enjoying the present. I most likely said some wrong things and made mistakes along the way. I likely didn’t communicate my problems well enough and didn’t listen to theirs intently enough.

As for the other side, who knows. People are complicated. Perhaps I’ll never get it, but people confuse me a lot. Maybe they just didn’t want to be friends anymore. Maybe I was too much. Maybe they were just using me to get something they wanted. I always wish they would tell me before everything ended. That’d be a nice touch of courtesy before breaking my heart.

I just wish everything didn’t happen the way it did. Such an unclear and murky ending that left me feeling so unsatisfied. Something akin to the ending of Darling in the Franxx. A story that I found truly beautiful and enjoyable to watch and then an ending that just left me confused and with such a sour taste in my mouth. That’s how I feel with the way this thing ended.

However there’s no point pondering over it too much. It’s not like thinking about it constantly will change the ending one day. You just have to let people be sometimes. I know I can’t control other people, what they think, and how they act. I can only control myself. So it’s ok. I’ll learn to forgive and maybe forget one day. After all, my life isn’t the worst right now and I can attribute a bit of that to what happened.

So I should stop looking back and wishing to myself that these things never happened and that these people never left me. Yes, the endings are distasteful and I still get a visceral reaction whenever I think about everything, nothing can take that away. However I can accept that maybe these things did happen for a reason. I can choose to look back at all the times I was happy and all the times they were happy.

I can choose to look back on the past with happiness.